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Your phrase "I wasn't excited so much as in the grip of a familiar and profound yearning, a desire not just to be there, but to connect with something profoundly real" says it all and so much better than my struggle with words. I know exactly how you feel and where you are.
As for the crisp packet thrower - well we are all at different places on our journey and I'm almost at the end of mine. I am incapable of throwing litter down - just can't do it - why? Why do some folk kill animals and others care for them? Why do some people delight in harming others while others dedicate their lives to help and healing? Why do we love the stones while others deface them? Karma?
Something is not right. This message is just to keep things from messing up down the road